Exemplar-The Perfect Pet

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Exemplar-The Perfect Pet

Post  MzM on Tue Aug 25, 2009 3:43 pm

The Perfect Pet

Often, teachers discover that they have one or more students who can be described as gifted writers for their particular age or grade. Their abilities as writers may include many of the following characteristics: imaginative choice of detail superior command or language sophisticated use of devices such as humor exaggeration, sarcasm, iron, and figurative language strong voice meticulous research and planning. Use the exemplar "The Perfect Pet," written by a student. Identify examples of humor (e.g. "I was relieved that I didn't have to sit so long.")detail that shows imagination (e.g., the notion that a kitten would magically hatch from an egg) sarcasm (e.g., "Now I see what was meant by big mouth.")voice that shows an emotional reaction (e.g., "Eeep! I thought, "Mr. Accessories.") Identify two effective two effective sentences and to explain their choices. Possibilities include these: "Soon the egg was too big for my room!" (an exclamatory sentence that adds variety and interest.)"As quick as a lightning bolt, as the book had promised, a tiny yellow egg appeared on my finely quilted bed." (a sentence that begins with something other than the subject that adds variety to sentence patterns)Have students review a composition of their own and use sticky notes to mark examples of effective techniques. Revise your own work to include at least one example of a technique that would enhance their compositions.

EXEMPLAR: The Perfect Pet

"Aha! I cried. I have found The Magic Pet book. I searched through the chapter entitled "Egg Pets.” Intelligent Duck? Nope. Rancid Rat? No, too smelly. OUTSTANDING KITTEN? YES! Say: Mjuta libber kitten and a tiny yellow egg will appear. Everyday when the moon is full, sit n the egg until midnight. The egg will grow to its maximum size of 30 meters tall an 20 meters wide. When it reaches its maximum you will not sit on the egg anymore. Five days later it will hatch and out comes an intelligent kitten. Then in small print it said, "Beware of its big mouth.” Big mouth; big deal! I shouted, "Mjuta libber, Kitten!"

As quick as a lightning bolt as the book promised, a tiny yellow egg appeared on my finely quilted bed. The moon was full. With hope I climbed on the bed and sat on the egg. Right away magic did its work. The egg started to grow and grow and GROW! Boy was I really unprepared. That night I put a spell on myself so I wouldn't be sleepy. I grabbed my book and mounted the egg. The egg started to grow. Soon the egg was too big for my room. So I cast a spell so my room would grow as the egg grew. In only three days the egg grew to its maximum size of 30 meters tall and 20 meters wide. I was relieved that I didn't have to sit so long. The egg was huge and I was puny.

Five days later, as predicted, the egg hatched neatly. I dashed to the bed and the egg. Sure enough, a tiny adorable kitten that fit on my hand came out.” I!" the kitten greeted me warmly. It was a wonder that the kitten had come out of such a gigantic egg. I asked the kitten why. He explained, "I need a lot of room for my books, bathtub, sink, ect., ect.!"Eeep!" I thought, Mr. Accessories.” For your information I don't think I like you," he exclaimed as if he had read my mind.Now I see what was meant by big mouth!” Big mouth, GIANT deal! Now I'll just park the egg in that empty corner," he pointed. That all happened a month ago. Now we decided the egg was big enough for two, so we moved into the egg, sold our house and moved to a cozy corner in Thousand Acre Woods. The only thing is that the egg is getting BIGGER AND BIGGER! I’m cooking up a potion. The kitten just came up. Now he is getting bigger!” Did you drink the potion? Did you? Did you? No answer

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